Jerry, you need to find god
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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