I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
