i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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