3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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