i barfeds in our rink
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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