dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
