is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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