Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
