i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
