i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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