saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
