y did u give ur computer a hand job?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
