so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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