dude i'm inner monologue high
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it penis luge time yet?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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