i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
