What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
