my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They are going to name an STD after you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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