i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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