Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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