We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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