i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
