I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
