I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
