They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
