why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, beer. Big fan.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
