i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
