well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
