Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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