My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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