Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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