Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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