walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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