mondays should just be called national damage control day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
