I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
