The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
