But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
