I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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