meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
