Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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