just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
