TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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