Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
