well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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