You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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