I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
