the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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