I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
