My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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