you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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