alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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