Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
