You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
