I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
