So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
