At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
