dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
