Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
