No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
