he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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