Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
