i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize