if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
