I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
