I'm lost and stupid without you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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