So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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