a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
