My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
